Huge, Fancy Shooting Range To Open in Virginia

Largest range in country to teach citizens how to shoot people

duckhunt
WashingtonTimes.com

On a day when another major local headline is, "Va. Tech Shootings Archive Now for Public Viewing," some impeccably time-conscious citizens of Virginia tell the Washington Times they are prepared to open "the largest shooting range in the country" this week in Ashburn. It is called "Silver Eagle Group Training Facility and Private Club," and everyone's invited!

The range's owners will "focus on helping residents, members of the military and police officers protect themselves in schools, homes and other real-life situations." Hmm.

It appears that we can edit this sentence to say this simply by removing a few cumbersome words: "... focus on helping residents ... protect themselves in schools." With guns, that is!

This 65,000-square-foot structure will offer several unique wings to fill the space. This includes a pretend version of one's home. It's quite possible that on any given night, one might find Osama playing pool in one's finished basement, after all, and this will call for a belly full of lead:

The sprawling, 65,000-square-foot facility includes three firing ranges, a training classroom and "scenario areas," including a two-story home and spaces designed to look like family rooms or nightclubs with sofas and a pool table.

[...]

The scenario rooms are divided by doors, intersections and alleys, which he said is vital to training exercises.

Parents, if you love your children, you'd better know how to chase down and shoot a criminal in the middle of an intersection. Seriously. And not just with any old gun, either:

The facility also has a range of payment options - from day passes to the Founders Package, which includes a complimentary AR-15 style Bushmaster semi-automatic rife, valued at roughly $1,000.

It's a dangerous world out there in Loudoun County.

Jim Newell writes for Wonkette and IvyGate from his actual, non-shooting-range sofa.

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