Rush Limbaugh Discovers Portion Control

The conservative talk show host has lost 60 pounds -- but he won't tell you how

One would assume the Rush Limbaugh diet would include burning calories by running the mouth and releasing hot air.

Alas, this "top secret" diet is actually just common sense. His big revelation that has helped him lose almost 60 pounds? Eating less!

The conservative talk show host announced yesterday on his show how much weight he has lost since he started his diet, which includes consuming 1500 calories a day (nothing revolutionary about portion control) and not eating two of one food group in a sitting (Ah, the balanced meal!).

Apparently a lot of other people are curious about this breakthrough weight loss plan, as yesterday the Miami New Times reported they Googled 'Rush Limbaugh Diet' and it was one of the top 100 searches of that particular hour.

We're not sure why, considering Limbaugh won't explain his diet to his listeners.

"Folks, it's not that I won't tell you, it's just I can't," he said in an explanation that must have burned off as many calories as a treadmill session. "It's too complicated. I mean putting the menu together is a jigsaw puzzle every day."

Limbaugh proceeded to describe what he recently had for breakfast, lunch and dinner -- someone call InTouch magazine -- and that he doesn't exercise (except for golf) and now abstains from eating out and drinking alcohol.

"The only alcohol diet that works is, if you don't eat anything, then you can drink all you want," he said. "But the minute you eat something you're dead. I don't know too many people who can just drink all day long and be functional... I could name you a couple of people that do that, but I would get sued for revealing trade secrets of famous people. So I'm not going to do that." 

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