Juiced! Adventures in Food Detoxing, Part 2

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    NEWSLETTERS

    For part one of Lauren's juice odyssey, go here.


    I'm going to start by apologizing to my coworkers and pretty much anyone else who's been around me during the past three days. I have not been myself. In fact, I've been merely a shell of my former self, unraveling at the drop of a hat, snipping at anyone who crosses me while simultaneously giggling in delirium.

    Perhaps it was the toxins that have allegedly been released from my body? More likely, it's the fact that I've only consumed juice for three days, and have been living in a constant state of hunger.

    Why would I do such a thing(the question that everyone asks)? I needed to click restart on my body. After a nine-day vacation at the beach, where I ate and drank way too much and "forgot" to exercise, my body had started cursing me out.

    So I decided to try the BluePrint Cleanse, a food detox program that promises to regulate hunger, digestion and cleanse the body. Other "possible" benefits include: elevated moods, an immune system boost and clearer skin.

    I ordered the cleanse online. Don't get me wrong, it's pricey. Three days worth of juice, plus shipping, cost me $250. And I'll be honest, it was kind of an impulse purchase. I was freaking out about the way I was feeling and my inner type A monster came out, took control of my body, got out my wallet and made me buy the juice.

    So here's how it all went down... the juice arrived at work on Tuesday around 11 a.m., 30 minutes later than it was supposed to. By then I was feeling shaky and light-headed, since I hadn't had anything with calories yet that day.

    I ripped open the box to find my 18 bottles, enough for three days, packed in ice. Each juice was numbered, so I knew the order in which to drink them.

    Juice #1: "Green Juice," a combo of greens (think kale and spinach), lemon and apple, had sort of an earthy smell, but actually tasted pretty good. It was enough to take the edge off my hunger, but I was ready for the next juice.

    I waited about two hours then drank P.A.M., which stands for pineapple, apple and mint. That was delish, and so far, I was feeling OK.

    Well, actually I was feeling a little weak and kind of unfocused. At that point, I started wondering how I was going to do this for three days. I really didn't think this through... But then I got to juices #3 and 4. The third bottle was another green juice, and the fourth was spicy lemonade. Absolutely tasty! I drank this at about 3:30 p.m., and finally got over the hump. I was finally feeling like myself again.

    That night I went to a pretty sweaty yoga class. I was fully expecting to be in child's pose for much of the class, but I had a burst of energy and ended up having a great practice.

    After class, I drank juice #6, cashew milk flavored with cinnamon and vanilla. It was like dessert! And the natural protein finally made me feel full-ish.

    DAY TWO:

    Wednesday was a bit of a roller coaster. I almost broke down in tears at work when I got a little stressed out. Although I was on the verge of unraveling for most of the day, I was also more focused and alert. Feeling pretty energetic, I went to my boxing class that night. But when the instructor commented on my technique, I full on bit his head off. (Note to self, do not snip at professional boxers.) I wanted to scream: "I've only been drinking juice for three days!! Leave me the hell alone!"

    DAY THREE:

    I woke up ravenously hungry. But knowing it was my last day was enough to get me through it. In fact, I almost didn't drink my last juice. I think I was finally just used to that hungry feeling.

    All in all, the BluePrint cleanse is a test of discipline, willpower and sanity. It was three days of ups and downs, twists and turns.

    Today, on my first day off the juice, I have a headache. I'm slightly nauseous and my mouth is so dry, even though I've been drinking water constantly. They say these are all typical detox symptoms.

    Also, although this wasn't supposed to be a diet and I didn't go into this looking to lose weight, I did lose five pounds... at least for now. I fully expect to gain it all back the moment a slice of bread touches my lips.

    For now, I'll slowly integrate back to society. For breakfast, I had some watermelon, half an avocado and lemon water. Lunch will be a simple green salad.

    Everyone is asking me if it's worth it. Right now, I'd say, if you really want to do this, buy a juicer and save yourself A LOT of money. But if you're as neurotic and impatient as me (and maybe a little lazy), it was nice to have everything laid out for you.

    I'll update again in three days.

     


    Editor's Note: Always consult with your doctor before changing your diet or attempting a cleanse. People on certain prescriptions or with some health conditions should not attempt this.