Let me set the scene: Two beach trips over the course of nine days. Heavy alcohol consumption. Dinners that included burgers and hot dogs (vegetables consisted of potato chips and cole slaw). Minimal exercise. Maximum lying down on the sand and sleeping.
Me: Yoga instructor, boxing enthusiast, amateur runner (by which I mean, I almost die whenever I run three miles), self-proclaimed health aficionado, former vegetarian, wanna-be vegan (when I'm not stuffing blocks of cheese and ice cream down my throat).
Hmmmm, no wonder I gained three pounds and felt like absolute crap when it was all over.
Most people would simply adjust back to normal life. Me? No way. I'm way too neurotic. No, I need a quick fix. I want to click restart and forget that I ever ate that hot dog (but it was sooooo delicious). So why not take extreme measures?
So I'm going to do a three-day juice cleanse.
I was originally going to work with the nutritionist at my gym. She uses juice from local, seasonal produce. Sounded perfect.
However, just when I planned out my juicing schedule, I found out she's cancelling the cleanse because not enough local produce is available. Nooooooooooooooooo! How am I ever going to get back to normal?
Again, most people would simply take it slow. Me? I needto find a juice cleanse now.
The answer to my hopes: The Blue Print Cleanse. BPC is the Gwyneth Paltrow of juice cleanses. It's been written up in all the celebrity mags, blogs, etc. Clearly, this is for me.
BPC has three different levels. Renovation is for beginners (obviously not me. I am a yoga instructor, after all.) Foundation is the middle level, and Excavation is for the truly hardcore.
The main differences between them are the types of juices you drink. I chose Foundation, a combination of green juice, spicy lemonade, some concoction called P.A.M., and cashew milk. There are six juices total and you're supposed to drink them every day for three days.
STEP ONE: GOING RAW
The above all sounds pretty simply simple, but you need to prepare for your cleanse. So for the past three days, I've been eating vegan. That means toast with almond butter (PB is sooo passé) and fruit for breakfast, tomato/avocado sandwiches for lunch, and black bean tacos (sans cheese) for dinner.
Not so bad, right? Well, there's also no caffeine, booze, sugar, processed foods or anything that is remotely fun.
And Monday marked my last and final day before I get juicy. I went all raw. Fruit and avocado for breakfast, salad and gazpacho for lunch, gazpacho again for dinner, and a whole lot of veggies, fruit and herbal tea for snacking.
So far, so good... There has only been minimal cheating. A few vodka drinks Friday night (I was at a work party, what was I supposed to do?!), half of a cup of coffee the past few days, and this morning I drank caffeinated tea.
The results so far: My head aches (maybe if I just smell some coffee beans, it will go away?), I'm a little bloated, and I can't stop peeing.
My juice arrives Tuesday, July 26, and I'll will report back in three days. For now, wish me luck -- and if you happen to see me passed out on the floor, don't steal my wallet.