"I see so many guys, really athletic guys, wearing [pleated pants]," the star told GQ in its December issue, in which he was chosen as one of the mag's Men of the Year. "I just shake my head. Like, Tiger Woods used to wear pleated pants! I'm like, 'C'mon, Tiger!'"
But the best item in the star's wardrobe is the woman on his arm – supermodel Gisele Bundchen, whom he married, twice, earlier this year.
"We planned it in like ten days, and it was perfect," he said of their surprise New York ceremony. "We went back to the house and I barbecued aged New York strips. We had champagne, a cake, some ice cream. It was a great night. I think you always have this idea that weddings need to be 200 people and you invite everybody, and I'm all for it if people want to do that, but I think there was really something special about just having our parents there."
A separate ceremony in his bride's home country of Brazil was similarly small, with only extended family – and no teammates – in attendance.
"The thing about it is, the day's for you," Tom said. "It's nothing personal against anybody, but it's not about them. It's about what you and your wife need for that day."
But while he's got one of the world's most famous supermodels at his disposal, Tom said he doesn't need help dressing himself.
"I think any man who lets a woman pick what he should wear… I mean, you gotta draw the line somewhere as a man," he said. "I see these guys, 'My wife told me to wear this!' And I just shake my head."
And his devotion to his football career, he admitted, can get in the way of his attention to his bride.
"Gisele understands the job requirements. I get some time with her on my day off, Tuesday, and then Wednesday, Thursday, Friday nights. Probably after wins I'm more with her," he said. "After losses, I don't think much of anything other than the game. This morning at breakfast, for instance, I was talking to her, but I just wasn't there."
On the other side, despite his own superstar status, he said the fashion world is less interested in him than he is in it.
"Fashion people, they always kind of shake your hand and look you up and down. I'm a fairly reserved person, and when I'm with [Gisele], most people like to talk about themselves—so I'll just ask a question and they'll talk for hours," he said.