Pizza Pusher Probably Pleased By Punchless Skins

We didn't want free toppings anyway!

Wellesley College
Wellesley College/Facebook

There's at least one person who's enjoying the Skins miserable season, especially their offensive ineptitude.  (Besides your Cowboy-loving friend, that is.)  Papa John is making out like a bandit.

The pizza proprietor brought back the Redskins Touchdown Special this season, offering fans of so-so pizza a free topping for every touchdown the Redskins score.  As a bonus, when the Skins win the game, toppings are doubled.  Woo!  What a deal.

So far, it's been a bonanza for Papa's wallet.  The Skins can't get the ball in the end zone, and they sure as heck can't win a game.

Yesterday's zero TDs and zero wins means the good Papa didn't have to dole out more fungi.  In the Redskins' only two wins, they've scored two total TDs.  That's just four measly toppings.  Tom Brady had more than that alone in the second quarter of Sunday's game!

It's a good thing all those lengths of processed, nitrate-filled pepperoni won't rot.

Maybe next year, the Skins can tie the promo to things that are more likely to happen:

* Clinton Portis tackled from behind on a run
* Albert Haynesworth attended to on the field
* Carlos Rogers drops an INT
* Antwaan Randle El fair-catches a punt
* Stephon Heyer driven back 3 yards by a defender
* Jim Zorn tries to challenge a play he can't challenge.

(Wait, what are thinking?  He won't be here next year!)

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