Road Chalk and Alaskan Pipelines: Week 5


Road Chalk and Alaskan Pipelines is Will Brinson's weekly NFL gambling column at FanHouse. Because everyone loves a loser.

(26-34 UGH) Team name** 6-2 Brandon Lang

Indianapolis Colts (-3) @ Houston Texans
This is exactly the type of game where I would, in the normal course of stupidity, always take the Colts. How-EVA, it seems like a trap. The Texans can't be this bad, right? And the Colts are without Bob Sanders. I expect lots of points, a Steve Slaton blowup and Andre Johnson to correct for his miserable 2008 by scoring four touchdowns. Of course, I also expect to leave work at 4 p.m. today. And somehow, I don't think that's happening.

Texans +3

Tennessee Titans (-3) @ Baltimore Ravens
I get that people think this team is really good (some people, like Bill Simmons, are talking Super Bowl), and they are. But I have a few rules in life (very few, in fact) and one of them is that when you get Kerry Collins going against a rejuvenated Ray Lewis on the road and handing out three points, you take those points. No, this rule does not come into play frequently, thank you for asking. Also: the under, please.

Ravens +3

San Diego Chargers (-7) @ Miami Dolphins
The Chargers game last week was a backdoor of epic proportions -- there was no reason why they should have actually covered, except that I think I played against LaDanian Tomlinson in approximately seven of my 42 fantasy leagues, and ended up losing because of that jailbreak. Based on their early poor performance though, this line has gotten knocked down to seven. Whatever, I'm a sucker.

Chargers -7

Kansas City Chiefs @ Carolina Panthers (-10)
People think that the Chiefs are back, somehow. They are not. The Cats are going to roll here.

**Panthers -10**

Washington Redskins @ Philadelphia Eagles (-6)
Really? Six? After the Redskins beat the Cowboys and them the fourth best team in the NFL? I also think it's safe to operate under the assumption that Brian Westbrook is gonna be "gametime" for the rest of the season from here on out; this will eventually pan out poorly for many gamblers, like last week. Rather than be angry again in Week 5, I will simply do the intelligent thing and stop questioning the power of the Mottrams to win.

Redskins +6

Chicago Bears (-3.5) @ Detroit Lions
There couldn't be a more perfect reason to take a road team that's favored other than "being in Detroit". But the Millen era is over and something tells me that a 2-0 hole to the Dodgers isn't quite enough panic for the city of Chicago.

Lions +3.5

Buffalo Bills @ Arizona Cardinals (-1)
I have zero idea how you can ever make a team that just gave up 56 points a favorite, but someone managed to do it, somehow. I actually think Arizona will bounce back -- they do have something to prove -- but I also think that Buffalo is so legit. But you already knew that.

**Bills +1**

Atlanta Falcons @ Green Bay Packers (TBD)

This line depends solely on whether Aaron Rodgers plays, naturally. I think he does. I also think everyone takes Atlanta. But I also think that Atlanta's not that good and that Rodgers is going to make people in Wisky forget that Brett Favre lobbed six touchdown passes last weekend by playing injured and winning big.

Packers -TBD

Cincinnati Bengals @ Dallas Cowboys (-17)
That's a ridiculous spread and I wouldn't actually ever bet on it in real life ... maybe. The reality is that the Bengals are still winless and the Cowboys are cheesed off after falling to the Skins, so this should end up being a 40 point margin of victory.

Cowboys -17

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-4)
Things are not going well for the Pittsburgh running game right now, what with the entire RB corps on the mend. Jacksonville will also be inspired by Richard Collier, and generally speaking, I'm a sucker for those type of stories.

Jaguars -4

New England Patriots (-3) @ San Francisco 49ers
I think we all grossly misdiagnosed the Niners based on their performance against the Lions. They're not good. Plus, I haven't picked enough road chalk today.

Patriots -3

Seattle Seahawks @ New York Giants (-7)
I love how a nice long, relaxing bye week makes the bookies forget how bad the Seahawks are.

Giants -7

Minnesota Vikings @ New Orleans Saints (-3)
There's no real way to tell what the hell this spread should be -- it's a matchup of the two most perplexing teams in the NFC. Okay, maybe not, but seriously, who's supposed to be favored here? The Vikings don't stop the pass well and no one can stop Adrian Peterson. In such an event, always side with Purple Jesus over Lance Moore (who totally finished me in fantasy last week as well.)

Vikings +3

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