Cubs Fan Selling Loyalty on eBay

As would be expected, Chicago Cubs fans haven't been the happiest people the last couple of days. You can't really blame them, as for the second straight year they had to watch their team have an excellent regular season only to be swept out of the first round of the playoffs. They've now lost nine straight postseason games, and they've now gone 100 years without a World Series title.

Of course, they wouldn't be so unhappy had the Cubs actually managed to put up a fight against the Dodgers instead of just rolling over. In fact, the Cubs played so horribly in the series that it's caused at least one fan to give up his loyalty to the team. He still needs a team to root for, though, and if you think your team could use another fan you can always buy his allegiance on eBay.

I hate to say it, but I think the time has come. What time, do you ask? Time to place another hex on the lowly Chicago Cubs. Granted, I've only suffered through 30 useless seasons of our "loveable" north-siders, but I've taken all I can take.

So, I have a proposition. In the interest of sparing my emotions from one more gut-wrenching season, I am auctioning off my loyalty to the Chicago Cubs. Now, since I realize that seems somewhat fatalistic, I will also make the provision that I will accept bids from ANYONE, even Cubs fans. That means that my loyalty will go to the highest bidder, even if that means I have to get my guts scooped out every year for the rest of my life (as a result of a winning Cubs bid).

Selfish? Childish? A stone-cold publicity stunt? Not quite. I will not personally take possession of ANY of the funds. The winning bid will be accepted by me on behalf of two non-profit theatre organizations in Minneapolis, MN, whose mission is to provide accessible entertainment to low-income households; The Cromulent Shakespeare Company, and Prufrock Theatre.

What a novel concept. Still, it's hard to get on the guy's case too much since he's donating all the money to charity, but I have to wonder what makes anybody think someone will want to buy a fan's loyalty. What? Is there some Washington Nationals fan sitting at home thinking to himself, "If only there was something I can do to help this team win more. Maybe I can buy a fan from some team that hasn't won in 100 years! Yeah! That will fix everything!"

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