Alec Baldwin's President Donald Trump kicked off "Saturday Night Live" at a rally in "Harass-burg," Pennsylvania, to "unveil a magnificent tax plan."
But he never got around to speaking about the plan, but instead boasted about how his administration is "undoing everything Obama did" including the Affordable Care Act, the Iran Deal and "ripping out all of the vegetables in Michelle Obama's garden and planting McNuggets."
He also said he gave Vice President Mike Pence's season tickets to the Indianapolis Colts to "two lucky fans in Puerto Rico."
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Baldwin's Trump then called Vice President Mike Pence, played by Beck Bennett, who was at an Indiana Pacers game. Bennett's Pence reports that one of the players is kneeling during the national anthem and Trump orders him to leave immediately.
After the game, Pence went to a Starbucks and Trump asked if the cups say "happy holidays" or "Merry Christmas" despite Pence's reminder that it's October.
Trump ordered Pence to leave the coffee shop and tells the crowd "we're gonna start saying 'Merry Christmas' again" because "you cannot disrespect our lord and savior Santa Claus."
He then checked on Pence a third time, who was attending a wedding. The vice president didn't have an issue until he realized it was a gay couple getting married.
"Get out of there, Mike, bail," Trump said. "I know you hate this word, abort, but abort, Mike, abort. Vaminos."
Baldwin's Trump demanding for Bennett's Pence to leave these places mirrors the real vice president walking out of an Indianapolis Colts game last week after he saw players kneeling for the Star-Spangled Banner. The real Trump tweeted later that he asked Pence to leave ahead of time to show the administration's stance on standing during the national anthem.
He also took jabs at "little" Sen. Bob Corker and "dumb" Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, highlighting a feud the real president had with the senator and an NBC News report that Tillerson had called Trump a "moron."
Baldwin's Trump also addressed rapper Eminem's video that went viral earlier in the week, in which he slammed the real president's lack of leadership and focus on important issues.
"Eminem apparently did a freestyle rap on the BET network the other day, and very soon I’m going to release a response rap on the white entertainment network HGTV so watch your back, Eminem," he said.
Kate McKinnon resurfaced her impression of Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway for a skit that turned Conway into Pennywise the Clown from Stephen King's horror "It."
Anderson Cooper, played by Alex Moffat, is terrorized by "Kellywise the Dancing Clown." He finds her in the sewer and as he attempts to leave, she offers him a "crazy quote."
"Ok so Puerto Rico was actually worse before Hurricane Maria and the hurricane actually did blow some things back together," she said.
Conway's "crazy quote" likely riffs on the real Trump's tweets from Thursday, which suggest that U.S. aid can't stay in the storm-devastated country "forever" and that Puerto Rico's financial crisis is largely their fault.
Moffat's Cooper doesn't fall for the bail, so Kellywise tried again.
"Ok, so Tillerson did not call the president a 'moron,'" McKinnon's Conway said. "They were sharing a sundae and the president asked if he wanted more sprinkles and the secretary said 'more on.'"
Conway also re-emerged as Hillary Clinton, who tries to lure Cooper into the sewer by offering him a copy of her book.
Colin Jost and Michael Che of "Weekend Update" started with the alleged sexual assault surrounding Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein.
"He doesn't need sex rehab," Jost said. "He needs a specialized facility where there are no women, no contact with the outside world, metal bars — and it's a prison."
Che addressed Weinstein's "We all make mistakes" response to reports of the assault.
"He assaulted dozens of women. That's not a mistake," he said. "That's a full season of "Law & Order." Your name's a verb now, dude. As in, 'If this guy tries to Weinstein me, I'm going to cut off his little Harvey.'"
"SNL" also addressed the Weinstein allegations in a skit with Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones and Cecily Strong, with the women posing as Hollywood actresses talking about sexual harassment in the industry.
"The Big Sick's" Kumail Nanjiani was the celebrity host.
Musical guest Pink performed two songs, "What About Us" and "Beautiful Trauma."