Well, THIS Is Sure to Be a Showstopper

Battling beauties go out for Miss DC (ehh)

Ahhh, pageant season is upon us.

Contestants vying for the title of Miss District of Columbia and the chance to compete at the Miss America Pageant will put their beauty, grace and wishes for world peace to the ultimate test July 12 at the Lincoln Theatre (1215 U St. NW).

As fun as it is to watch as the plastic Barbie dolls talented young ladies strut their stuff in bikinis, exude glamour in gowns and answer those really, really tough questions on stage, we wish they'd start selling behind-the-scenes passes. Just imagine having front-row seats to the catfights, trash-talking and taping-your-swimsuits-to-your-butts that happens behind the curtains.

But it's OK, because these women are making a difference. And working for global peace. And anyway, it's a SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM, not a beauty pageant! Jeez.

So if you're one of the preteen girls or the creeper older guys that actually attends these prelims, you can now buy your tickets here. However, we'll, uh, find other plans for that night. We're not sure what those plans are yet. But we'll find them.

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