"I got a lot of buddies here that are real anxious to, you know, wash my back in the shower."
And so began Drew Peterson's collect call from the Will County Jail in Joliet to WLS Radio's Mancow & Cassidy show on Wednesday.
For just over seven disgusting minutes, the accused wife killer joked about prison life and the absence of the comforts of home.
[Audio: Drew Peterson Cracks Killer Jokes from Jail]
The best one-liners on his observations:
"The food's different. I didn't understand why they had seatbelts on the toilet until after I had a couple of meals here."
"I get my bling coming and going out of the courthouse."
"I got a lot of buddies here that are real anxious to, you know, wash my back in the shower."
On being isolated from other prisoners, Drew jokes that his "cuddling abilities have been taken away."
"I know we can't do the 'Date with Drew' anymore, but I'm thinkin' what we should do is, like, 'Win a conjugal visit with Drew.' Let's do that," he jokes with Mancow.
We wonder how that will go over with Christina Raines.
In true Drew fashion, he tried to make light of his situation by mocking a well-known credit card commercial:
"$20 million for bond, legal fees of tens of thousands, being falsely accused of a homicide that didn't happen: priceless."
"It's just creepy. It's just weird, man," Mancow said at one point. "This guy's sitting in jail calling our stupid show."
That humor was then called into question and quickly explained by Drew:
"All these things are being used against me. You know, it's just like, they say I'm taking this light or, you know, it's a very terrible circumstance. But we always deal with circumstances through humor. It's just basically how you survive it. I'm no different now than I was when I was working a policman on the street," Peterson said. "It just means that I'm dealing with it, and that's how I'm coping."
We've heard that before.
Peterson was arrested earlier this month and charged in the drowning death of his third wife, Kathleen Savio. While not officially a suspect, many believe he also had something to do with the disappearance of his fourth wife, Stacy Peterson.
