Betty White: "I'm the only one here who actually dated Mark Twain. And I can tell you they didn't call him Samuel Longhorne Clemens for nothing."
Jimmy Fallon: "A collector of fine cheeses... a hard worker... storm chaser... inventor of the George Foreman grill... longtime friend of the hip-hop community... 'Wind' from Earth Wind and Fire... a hilarious woman and an amazing talent. [Pause] But enough about me."
Tina Fey: "I never thought I'd ever qualify for the Mark Twain prize... Maybe the Judy Blume prize for awkward puberty."
Seth Meyers: "I think she's going to get it tonight. I know a lot of people have their fingers crossed, but I'm really confident she's going to get it. Tonight, my money's on Tina." (The award was announced months ahead of time.)
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