Gig for Actor Who "Genuinely Likes to Make Kids Cry"

Father looking for someone to lie and break daughters' hearts

By Matthew Stabley
|  Friday, Apr 17, 2009  |  Updated 8:10 PM EDT
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Gig for Actor Who "Genuinely Likes to Make Kids Cry"

We got suspicious as soon as we read the name "Skittles."

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WASHINGTON -- Someone claiming to be the father of two girls is looking for an actor to play the villain and take his daughters' dog away from them.

According to a Craigslist "talent gig" posting for D.C., Maryland and Virginia, the single father's aunt gave a cocker spaniel to his daughters a few months ago and has since died. Now the man can't handle taking care of Skittles, nor is he willing to face his children, so he's looking for someone else to break their hearts.

He's already found a new home for Skittles and now he's offering $500 for a fall guy. He just needs someone to play dog walker and take Skittles the 20 minutes to her new home -- and then lie to the girls, leash in hand, and tell them Skittles ran away.

"At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing," the ad says. "This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry."

Remember ladies, he's single.

"Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation," the ad concludes.

Like someone who portrayed Joan Crawford in an off-Broadway production of "Mommie Dearest," perhaps, or starred in a community theater adaptation of "Flowers in the Attic."

Maybe it's just a line of BS, like all of those Missed Connections out there. This is Craigslist, after all, and we all know Craigslist is not to be trusted.

Perhaps it's just an inspired, succinct and witty piece of fiction. More likely it's an invitation to be bound and gagged and shot to death.

But at least you'd die laughing.

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