Expert Doc: Anus "Designed for Exit, Not Entrance"

Physician testifies in gay marriage debate

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Altaspix, Shutterstock.com
    This man is going the wrong way, according to Dr. Jacobs.

    As part of a healthy, vibrant democracy, governments have hearings to discuss and examine the issues of the day.  At these hearings, expert witnesses are brought in to provide testimony and viewpoints to educate and illuminate our elected officials and their staff as they go about the heady job of making laws and overseeing government.

    This was the case the other day when Dr. Ruth Jacobs, a Rockville infectious disease physician, testified before the Washington, D.C., Council in the gay marriage debate, as Metro Weekly discusses -- with hot video action.

    As the esteemed witness testified about the higher risk of spreading HIV through same-sex intercourse, she informed the panel that the "anus was designed for exit, not entrance."

    Certainly Dr. Jacobs' expert testimony is informed by years of close study of the anus.  Perhaps she's talked to the world's foremost anal engineers.  And she most certainly rejects the advances in anal medicine such as suppository-delivered medicine or barium enemas for GI inspection.

    No doubt, Dr. Jacobs only would approve of a particularly difficult colonoscopy, owing to the tube being fed down the mouth and through the stomach.

    She also testified, relying entirely on her medical knowledge and certainly not on her own personal morality, that "marriage and the vagina and the penis are designed to go together. The penis and the anus do not."

    When pressed as to whether her objection to icky gay men doing it extended to the sweet, tender embrace of lesbians, Metro Weekly said that Dr. Jacobs "became flustered and said she wasn't there to talk about that fact."

    So lesbians may be A-OK, as long as they aren't going anywhere near the exits.