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Wednesday Watch List: BIEBER! BIEBER BIEBER BIEBER BIEBER!!!

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Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you attempt to quell the rising violence in Thailand. Nothing makes me sadder than seeing violence in Thailand. That place is meant to be a haven of spicy delicious food and hedonistic behavior. Don’t ruin a good thing, angry people! We have so little to look forward to these days! LET’S GO!

AMERICAN IDOL – 9:00PM (FOX) Bieber! It’s Bieber! Bieber’s here! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

/screams

/faints

/wakes up and screams and faints again

/fans self with Bieber autobiography pamphlet

Oh my God. Oh my God, I can’t believe he’s here! HE JUST LOOKED AT ME! Did you see that? He totally looked at me! I’m never washing these eyes again! His hair! I found one of his hairs on the ground! I think it’s his! I will floss with every day until I am in my GRAVE! I love you, Justin! No one hearts you like I do! You’re the best Bieber ever! No one Biebs like you do! CHOOSE ME! ANTICIPATION: BIEEEEBERRRRRR!

THE GOOD GUYS – 8:00PM (FOX) It’s the pilot episode of this buddy cop action comedy starring Bradley Whitford (rocking a killer mustache) and Colin Hanks (Tom Hanks’ kid. Sorry, fella. I’ll never think of you otherwise). Whitford is an alkie detective assigned to a young protégé after, as is standard in the buddy cop genre, breakin’ some stupid rule. Early reviews are tepid. But I’ll watch anything if it looks like a 60-minute version of the “Sabotage” video. ANTICIPATION: NO BLACK PARTNER?

TOP CHEF MASTERS – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) The chefs have to do fancy tailgating tonight. And let it be known that I would cut off both my arms to have Susur Lee as my private chef. That guy is no joke. ANTICIPATION: OH HOW I WISH I WERE A JUDGE THEY’D ALL GET FIVE STARS

MODERN FAMILY – 9:00PM (ABC) Claire wants to take a family portrait. Why doesn’t she just take a screengrab of the one from the opening credits? ANTICIPATION: I HATE POSING FOR PHOTOS AND SO DO YOU

I GET THAT A LOT – 8:00PM (CBS) Celebrities dress up as filthy common folk in hopes of being recognized. Good luck with that, Nick Jonas. No one over 15 knows who you are. And no one under 14 cares. Know why? BIEEEBERRRRRRR! ANTICIPATION: TIM GUNN DOES A LOTTA SLUMMING!

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