In this publicity image released by ABC, Erin Andrews, left, and Maksim Chmerkovskiy perform on the celebrity dance competition series "Dancing With the Stars," Monday, April 12, 2010 in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/ABC, Adam Larkey)
Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and, with something of a guilty conscience, laugh at all the Europeans stuck in airports for the millionth straight day. Think your way of living is so superior, do you, Europe? A volcano just OWNED you. LET’S GO!
HOUSE – 8:00PM (FOX) A busy night on “House” as one of Wilson’s ex-wives returns (Cynthia Watros of “Lost”) to rekindle their relationship, and House must tend to a group of Renaissance Fair dorks. Ah, Renaissance Fair nerds, the very lowest rung of the nerd food chain. Even Trekkers think Renaissance Fair dorks are idiots. They’re not even allowed in ComicCon. In fact, I’m told that, in many parts of the country, Renaissance Fair dorks are forced to drink from their own water fountain, which they refuse to do because there were no water fountains in Renaissance times. Expect House to destroy a lute or two. ANTICIPATION: JOUST!
DANCING WITH THE STARS – 8:00PM (ABC) It’s Movie Night on DTWS, with the stars dancing to famous movie songs. Listen, we all already know that Pamela Anderson probably already bogarted “Flashdance (What A Feeling)” for herself. But I’m willing to get down on my knees and pray to Buddha that Erin Andrews somehow wrested it away from her. I’m not saying it’s important that I see Erin pull a chain and drench herself with a bucket of water. I’m just saying it would be pleasant. That’s all. ANTICIPATION: KATE’S A MANNNNIAC, MANNNNNIAC I KNOW…
INTERVENTION – 9:00PM (A&E) Amy P. is suffering from both anorexia and bulimia, which begs the crass question: How can you be bulimic if you don’t eat anything? I’m sure there’s an answer to this, and I’m sure this episode answers it, and I’m quite sure the answer will haunt my dreams. ANTICIPATION: EATING IS GOOD AND I LIKE FULL FIGURED WOMEN
CONSTRUCTION INTERVENTION – 9:00PM (Discovery) It’s just like “Intervention,” only instead of fighting bulimia, they fight termites and sloppy bathroom fixture installations. ANTICIPATION: I’M ADDICTED TO HAMMERING
ANTHONY BOURDAIN: NO RESERVATIONS – 10:00PM (Travel Channel) Tonight, porn star legend Ron Jeremy joins Tony for “Food Porn 2,” presumably a clip show showing things I would like to eat but lack the approved visa and travel guide to access. Like regular porn, it will start off exciting, and then grow numbing. And then they bring out the kebabs. SHUDDER. ANTICIPATION: MEAT ON A STICK!