Your Top Chef Masters Finale Preview

Tonight is the finale of Top Chef Masters (10PM on Bravo – an NBC/Universal network). And while the show essentially serves as a placeholder for when the real “Top Chef” arrives next week, there’s something about “Masters” that is even more enjoyable than the original product. Yeah, Kelly Choi is a lousy host, but that’s just part of the deal. Personally, I find it extremely gratifying to watch a reality competition in which the contestants are legitimately among the best in the universe at what they do. These people are INSANELY talented, and the food porn they end up producing is enough to make me want to eat my remote.

Anyway, we’re down to the final three tonight after Jonathan Waxman, who clearly just wanted to go home, was booted last week. All three final chefs could easily win. All three have differing strengths that could shine based on the final challenge. Also, I would sacrifice a finger to have any of them be my personal chef for the rest of my existence. No joke. Take the finger. What do I care, as long as Susur Lee is gonna make me miso glazed black cod any time I want it? Easiest voluntary amputation EVER. Let’s break down the percent odds of winning:

MARCUS SAMUELSSON, 20%: Marcus came on strong last week, winning both the Quickfire and the Elimination Challenges. His weakness appears to be putting to much stuff on his plate. And isn’t just like a reality show to tell me that MORE FOOD is somehow a bad thing. Anyway, Marcus is the coolest of the remaining chefs. He’s Swedish-Ethiopian. How many Swedish-Ethiopian people do you think exist in the world? Three? Three and a half? Plus they always cut to shots of his wife and she is SMOKING HOT. Also, he cures lot of meats. And man, is cured meat good. Marcus is solid, people.

RICK MOONEN, 39%: There’s something oddly lovable about Rick. Maybe it’s the glasses. Or the fact that he’s completely insane. I dunno. But that guy can cook a fish. If tonight’s challenge allows for seafood, Rick’s gonna be tough to beat. He looks like he’d willingly give a year of his life to win the competition. He’s quite focused like that. Also, this is the last night you have to see the clip of Rick yelling, “I’m talkin’ here!” If you could jail a network for overuse of one clip, Bravo would be serving consecutive life sentences right now.

SUSUR LEE, 41%: Hard to forget that Susur nearly got a perfect 20 star score a couple weeks back. Even when it appears like the critics don’t like something in his dish, he still ends up getting four and a half stars anyway. I think they purposely cut out the parts where the critics taste Susur’s food and spontaneously climax. Because you know darn well that food is astonishing. The critics may be looking to split hairs, but you and I at home know better. That stuff looks better than anything I get to eat over the course of an entire decade. Stupid judges. YOU DON’T APPRECIATE FOOD LIKE I DO.

So there are the odds. I say Susur has a slight edge over Rick to take the final prize. Never doubt a chef with a ponytail.

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