StanSpeak

Nats president's hidden thoughts revealed

Nats President Stan Kasten is an honest broker.  Too honest, sometimes. 

When he gives interviews, such as his latest with nationals.com, he's so precise that his sentences actually lose meaning.  Worse, when taken together, they often give the opposite impression of the truth, even when every single thing is factual.  The man's got talent.

But thankfully, we've got the StanSpeak Translator.  We throw his words in one end, and his hidden thoughts spit out the other.

His inner thoughts* show up in italics.

On the Nats progress:
"We have taken a few tiny steps forward on many different fronts except on the field. We now play in one of America's 30 greatest ballparks. Over the past two or three years, we have spent a lot of time, money [HAHA] and effort on our player pipeline with little to show for it."

On whether fans see progress:
"Clearly, the most visible part of any team is its record in the standings. That is the first thing people pay attention to, which is why we spend so much time with distractions like increasing the number of bars in the park.  I think people have a better time at the ballpark when the team is winning because they don't show up when we stink."

On impatient fans wanting to sign free agents:
"All fans want their teams to be the best they can be when they should instead be happy that their owners are making money and giving fans more places to drink and spend money.  All fans are customers [KA-CHING!] who like new and exciting things that would cost us money. Free agents are one way to get new and exciting things, so I understand that. But also, young players like Kory Casto are new and exciting. Our hope is, whether we sign free agents or not (most likely not), that by the time Spring Training (is over), we will give our fans a lot of reasons to be optimistic and excited about the 2009 team before we crap the bed in April."

On a later question about how exciting the '09 Nats could be, Stan spun himself around so hard while seriously arguing that youth is better to watch than something like winning that it broke the StanSpeak Translator.  Even modern technology has its limits.

* OK, not really

Chris Needham used to write Capitol Punishment, and may or may not have received the Translator from the NSA.

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