Crotch Sniffing at Nats Park

Bring your puppies to the park

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    NEWSLETTERS

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    Wook at da widdle babies!!!!

    For two games, at least, the team on the field won't be the only stinky thing at Nats Park.  The Nats are hosting their first Pups at the Park event, where man's best friends will frolic and play in the stands while sniffing as many crotches and butts as they can.

    You can buy human and dog tickets to next weekend's games against the Florida Marlins.  $18 gets humans in; it's $5 for Fido/Bowser/Mr. Pickles.  But, please, leave the Mike Vick jerseys home!

    $5 for a ticket to allow a bundle of fur and drool into a game?  That's a good deal... for me to poop on!  Actually, the $5 goes to the Humane Society, and $2 from each human ticket goes there as well.

    You can buy tickets to the Saturday night game or the Sunday afternoon one at nationals.com/pups.  Tickets are in the left field mezzanine section, sections 201-205.  Note: if you're sitting below that section, watch out for drool, piddle, and stray poop dripping down.

    If you're one of those anti-American, dog-hating commies, don't worry.  Roving packs of dogs won't be allowed to wander the halls, searching for stray half smokes.  Dogs are limited to that one area, and won't be allowed at concession stands.  (Even if your poodle really craves chili nachos.)

    The Nats will have a water and "relief" area set up on the concourse behind the seats, and if there's any justice in the world, the team will assign Jorge Sosa and Ronnie Belliard to clean it up.

    At the Saturday game, the Nats will also be hosting a pet adoption event in coordination with the Washington Humane Society.  They'll have fuzzballs on site from 5-8 p.m., and you'll be under no obligation to name the pet you adopt Homer or some other baseball-related name.

    So it's time to get Fido into game shape.  Have him run some laps, catch some balls, and prepare for a crotch-sniffing good time at the ol' ballyard.