Keeping Tabs on Washington's Team

Portis Once Bitten, Tape Shy at Presser

He who laughs last does it with his mouth covered in tape, so the saying goes

By Janie Campbell
|  Thursday, Sep 16, 2010  |  Updated 2:47 PM EDT
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Portis Once Bitten, Tape Shy at Presser

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You can hardly blame him, and not just because the media is taking care of that already.

But a day after his comments on women in locker rooms earned him an over-the-top takedown from the press, Clinton Portis staged a hilarious, pointed protest of sorts at this morning's Redskins press conference.

Reporters gathered around his locker at Redskins Park, but Portis didn't speak. 

When he was asked about his comments on women reporters, he held up a spiral notebook with the words "No Comment" written on it.  Meanwhile, everyone's favorite defensive lineman, Albert Haynesworth, began applying black tape to his mouth.

As the tape would fall off, Big Al would apply more.  At the same time, reporters continued to ask questions, although the questions got softer as the interview went on.

Thoughts on the upcoming game against the Texans?  More tape, and a new page in the notebook:  "Thanks for Coming."

Did you make the signs yourself?  More tape, and a new page in the notebook: "God Bless You."

Another question, more tape and a final sign: "Have a Good Day."

This, apparently, is Portis' 9th character: an affronted mime, who doesn't have to play along with the people who helped turn his comments into a national firestorm.

Which isn't to say Portis didn't help himself in that regard. His comments about the Ines Sainz incident, when prompted by the media, were ill-advised. That doesn't mean he was entirely wrong: men are certainly going to notice if an attractive woman enters the locker room. Even appropriate behavior can't kill their humanity, and Portis was just stating the obvious even as he began digging his grave with the word "packages" and the assumption that women care to look at fat, hairy linemen in need of a shower.

(NFL locker rooms aren't exactly a nude free-for-all, anyway, so it's sort of a moot point.)

But that doesn't make him a "clown," nor the face of gross, "pathetic," "insulting" mysogyny, either, as Dan Wetzel finger-pointed in print at Yahoo. Clinton Portis dressed as a clown makes Clinton Portis a clown, and his comments, as Andrew Sharp argued at SBNation, just make him more of a pragmatist than a feminist. The mysogyny part may be hinted, but not at all proven.

They also make him funny, because the idea that a disgruntled, miserable Albert Haynesworth is now Portis' little Vanna White is the best scene we've played in our heads since the holding call that saved the team Sunday night.

redskins.com; nfl.com

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