Naked, Mushroomed Man Smacked By Train

Maybe eating those mushrooms wasn't such a good idea

View Comments (
)
|
Email
|
Print

    NEWSLETTERS

    TK
    Dennis Christensen
    Caution: consuming these can lead to death. Most certainly,stupidity.

    Despite what all those hours of playing video games taught you, eating mushrooms does not give you super powers. That's fantasy.

    In the real world, eating mushrooms causes you to strip naked, prance around, and get hit by trains -- as one unlucky Stafford man found out.

    Police allege that James Lampiris, 18, went on an early-morning mushroom binge, leading to a heck of a day, reports the Freelance Star.

    A woman saw a naked, prancing man wandering around her Stafford, Va., neighborhood yelling. When she asked the presumably spaced-out guy if he was OK, he started yelling at her, causing her to call police, according to the paper.

    While the police were looking out looking for the suspect, they got a call from CSX that one of their trains had struck a man -- yes, a naked man. 

    The train conductor told police that the trains were traveling about 9 mph when he saw the man near the tracks.

    After he sounded the horn to warn the man, he got on the tracks and walked directly toward the oncoming train.

    The conductor put on the brakes, but couldn't stop completely before hitting the man, who disappeared from view following the contact.

    The conductor found the man sitting under the third car of the train convoy. He ran off before deputies and medical workers arrived.

    No, mushrooms do not give you train-stopping superpowers.

    Eventually, police were able to track the naked man down, taking him into custody after he scampered off to the woods -- looking for truffles, perhaps?

    Tallying it up, the suspect was charged with indecent exposure, obstructing railroad operations, obstructing justice, trespassing on railroad property, being drunk in public and four counts of assault and battery on a police officer.

    Yeah, it'd be tough to top that night.  He just better hope that next time he plays, he eats one of those spotted green mushrooms that gives you another life.