The lovely 27-year-old mother of a 1-year-old girl wants to make the world a better place for her daughter, so she's running for office in Virginia's first congressional district.
"When Ella was born, I just remember holding her in the hospital and crying because she was so beautiful and because all I wanted to do was to hold her close and protect her forever," Ball said in her introduction video.
But of course she can't. At least not by herself. She can't protect her from terrorists. She can't protect her from toxic toys. Nor can she guarantee her daughter a good education or proper healthcare.
And why isn't Congress concerned about babies? Because they don't have enough of them! They're all too old to remember what parenthood's like, what parents are concerned about. As a congresswoman, Krystal Ball will serve as mother to all the babies in the country.
The former University of Virginia swimmer with a name out of the adult entertainment industry has plenty of experience that will benefit Congress, she said. As a CPA, she understands fiscal responsibility. She has designed educational software, giving her insight into both schools and technology. And she has worked in the Middle East and understands the culture.
And how will she make the world a better place for her daughter and all the babies like her? By paying teachers six figures, by keeping our nukes at the ready, by supporting gun ownership while opposing gun violence, and by trying to stop health insurance companies from killing their customers.
We haven't been this excited about a candidate since Sarah Palin and we're already looking up foreclosed homes in the first district so we can vote Krystal Ball in 2010, no matter what her stance on gay marriage is. That Rep. Rob Wittman guy's been in politics since before she was born. HE could be her FATHER for goodness sake!
Fifty is the new 80. Time to get some young blood on the Capitol Hill nest.
Gaze into the Krystal Ball: