With the Fall TV season in full swing, my friends and I have scoured the channels for the funniest, silliest, most engaging, dramatic or compelling dialogue on TV this week. Here are the Dish’s picks for the Top Ten TV Quotes Of The Week!
#10 — “Don’t talk to me like I’m a child. Now take me to return my “Star Wars” sheets!”
— CBS’s “The Big Bang Theory”
Twenty-something nerd Sheldon Cooper to roommate Leonard when he learns his friend can no longer drive him to work and help him run errands.
#9 — “Wake up! Play dates were invented by mothers for this exact purpose. Shopping. Sex. Drinking in the afternoon. Play dates make all these things possible!”
— ABC’s “Desperate Housewives”
Gabby Solis explaining to her husband Carlos why it’s important to get their daughter, Juanita, into a play date group.
#8 — “Seriously kids: never invite an ex to your wedding!”
— CBS’s “How I Met Your Mother”
Narrator Ted Mosby, from the future, at the end of the episode, after its revealed his fiancé Stella ditched Ted on their wedding day to go back to her ex, Tony, her daughter’s father.
#7 — “I wonder if they like blondes in New Zealand?”
— CBS’s “Amazing Race”
Blonde “Southern Belle” contestant Marisa to equally blonde race partner Brooke upon learning the next leg of the race will take them to Auckland, New Zealand. Brooke’s reply — “I’m sure they have blondes so we’re not like rare or anything.”
#6 — “Oh come on! This can’t be the first woman who had a nervous breakdown, lost her job and wound up taking her clothes off for horny strangers because of you.” — CBS’s “Two And A Half Men”
Alan Harper to his brother Charlie after they run into one of Charlie’s ex conquests.
#5 — “Oh boy! I hope there is a scale in there. I’d like to have a before and after on this one!”
-- FOX’s “Family Guy”
Mort Goldman impatiently waiting for Meg Griffin to get out of the bathroom so he can go number two.
#4 — “Looks like poor little Nate is…Yuck, Poor.”
-- CW’s “Gossip Girl”
“Gossip Girl” narrator after Dan Humphries discovers rich guy Nate Archibald has been sleeping in an empty apartment on the floor.
#3 — “You say that now. Next thing you know he is off fighting an endless and unnecessary war.”
— ABC’s “Brothers and Sisters”
Kevin Walker to Senator McCallister after he tries to buy Kevin’s old GI Joe Doll with eagle eye vision at a garage sale, explaining he plans to put him on a bookshelf.
#2 — “Oh, you think I got to choose my own interns ‘cause you are all such a surgical dream team? You [Alex], you’re lazy. You [Izzie], whiny. Butterfingers over there [Meredith], down right depressing and you [Christina]? Yang you’re just annoying.” –- ABC’s “Grey’s Anatomy”
Dr Bailey chiding her residents Alex Karev, Izzy Stevens, Meredith Grey and Christina Yang for trying to swap interns.
#1 — “I have chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night because, quite frankly, every time I speak during the day the Stock Market goes in the crapper.”
— NBC’s “Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday”
Will Ferrell as George W. Bush addressing the country to officially endorse John McCain and Sarah Palin.
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