Weekend Watch List: The NFL Is Back! Sorta!

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and admire your new Hall of Fame bust. Wait a second. This bust looks nothing like you! It looks like Han Solo frozen in carbonite! Just like every other bus ever made! LET’S GO!

NFL HALL OF FAME GAME – 8:00PM Sunday (NBC) Preseason football is BACK. Oh, how I miss football. I miss it terribly. Like you, I’ll tune in to watch this out of starvation, then get mad after five minutes that REAL football is still a month away. It’s Cowboys/Bengals this go round, so tune in to watch Terrell Owens play for three minutes and be interviewed for 177 minutes. ANTICIPATION: FOOTBALL! KINDA!

SOLVE MY MYSTERY: THE TRUE STORY OF CHRIS JENKINS – 9:00PM tonight (NBC) Tonight, it’s an hour-long special chronicling the disappearance of Chris Jenkins, a former University of Minnesota student who went missing in 2002 after attending a Halloween party at a bar. Four months after disappearing, Jenkins’ body was found in the Mississippi. Police ruled his death a suicide or accidental drowning, but Jan and Steve Jenkins, Chris’ parents, don’t believe either of those scenarios. They believe their son was murdered, and have spent eight very painful years trying to figure out the truth. The saddest part of this story is that the odds are very much against them ever finding it. ANTICIPATION: SAD!

WIFE SWAP – 8:00PM tonight (ABC) In much stupider programming news, tonight’s “Wife Swap” episode involves a conservative gymnast mom switching families with a “fun-loving family devoted to living in the moment.” Now, I know it sounds lousy to spend your childhood under the thumb of Mrs. Bela Karolyi, but I can virtually assure you that fun-loving parents devoted to living in the moment are, hands down, the worst parents in the universe. Children need things like a set bedtime, and chores, and organized activity. That’s what parenting is. Without that, you may as well let monkeys raise your kids, because they’re just as capable of doing nothing as you are. ANTICIPATION: CRUMMY PARENTS!

WRESTLEMANIA XXVI: THE NETWORK TV PREMIERE – 9:00PM Saturday (NBC) Wrestling on NBC on a Saturday night? It’s like I’m eight years old all over again! Call Gene Okerlund and find me a steel cage painted blue quickly! ANTICIPATION: CHAIR TO THE BACK!

FROST GIANT – 9:00PM Saturday (SyFy – an NBC/Universal network) Dean Cain battles a giant snow monster. No word on if Rudolph and Yukon Cornelius join him. ANTICIPATION: COLD!

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