Big Wal-Mart Hearing, Vote Canceled

Wal-Mart to secretly build the whole thing overnight

A major local business hearing in Orange, Va., one that "captures the zeitgeist" of America, or something grandiose along those lines, has been canceled for tonight and tomorrow. Curses! Do these local officials have any idea how much time and energy various historians, preservationists, teachers and businessmen put into their world-historical speeches about the future of America?

The issue before Orange County supervisors has been much publicized: the famous corporation Wal-Mart, the name of which means "all the stuff you need to buy, for cheap, in one convenient location" to some and "evil, heartless, wage-crushing eyesore of trash" to others, wants to build a new "Supercenter" right next to a historic Civil War battlefield many preservationists consider vital to the state's "proud" history. Hundreds of teachers and History Buffs have written letters objecting to the project, and many were preparing for a decisive, climactic battle with the Corporates at a county hearing tonight.

Unfortunately, some lackey in the county office forgot to fill out a few papers, which ruined everything:

Orange County said in a statement Monday's hearing had to be rescheduled because proper legal notice had not been published for a Planning Commission hearing in May that attracted hundreds of speakers.

Planners later approved the special use permit.

Well, whatever that means. But now that it's canceled, why not re-plan the whole process? Instead of scheduling a new date for the hearing, just have mid-level Wal-Mart managers battle historians on the old battlefield in question, and whichever side wins will keep the ground and its surrounding territory? This was the obvious solution to such problems back during, you know... the Civil War.

Jim Newell writes for Wonkette and IvyGate.

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