Red Bull Simply Cola calls itself "strong and natural" -- and ain't nothing more natural than cocaine. German officials have been pulling the beverage off shelves since a study (at Germany's Health Institute in the state of North Rhine Westphalia) found traces of cocaine in Red Bull's spinoff drink.
Good thing you can still get your liquid cocaine in the good ol' US of A! Oh yeah, sure, we know you're only buying it for the lemon, ginger and kola nut. Just like you only read this site for the articles.
"De-cocainized coca leaf extracts are used as flavoring in food products around the world and are considered to be safe," Red Bull officials state in a statement. Oh, OK, if the manufacturer says it's safe, then we TOTALLY trust them.
But fine, fine, Time Magazine reports: "According to this analysis, the 0.13 micrograms of cocaine per can of the drink does not pose a serious health threat -- you'd have to drink 12,000 [liters] of Red Bull [Simply] Cola for negative effects to be felt -- but it was enough to cause concern."
Come to think of it, drinking 12,000 liters of Red Bull Simply Cola would definitely be cause for concern.
For now, we'll stick to the healthier option of regular Red Bull with our vodka.