The Washington Monument has been closed. Because it's windy. Ooh, wind! That's the scariest weather there is, after hurricanes, blizzards, hail, sleet and most other conditions. (We're scared. Please hold us.)
Word is, if there are sustained winds of 35 mph or greater, the conditions at ground level near the base can be unsafe.
Yes, at ground level. Like... where we all are, already. So... they're saying it's actually safer inside the monument? Even though... they closed the monument? Wait, we'll think of a reason. Give us a sec.
OK, so maybe it's because in the rest of the city, the wind can be slowed by buildings, but near the monument, the land is open? Sure, we'll go with that. Meanwhile, we're gonna just go hop a Tourmobile and see if we can spot tourists blowing down the street.
We'll bring a butterfly net just in case.
