Ripken's “8” Sawed off in Baltimore

Local idiots take statue

This memorabilia market is really getting out of hand, hon.

Four of Baltimore's finest and most upstanding citizens tried to take a giant souvenir home last night, the giant number 8 statue outside Camden Yards that honors Cal Ripken, the Baltimore Sun reported.

It begs the question: What would a bunch of presumably drunken yahoos need with a giant number eight?

This being Baltimore, the immediate (and unfair) question involves it being sold for scrap and the money going to support various illicit habits -- think Bubbles from "The Wire."

But isn't it also possible they were just looking for another statue for their garden, something that would go alongside the crystal ball, the painted sign of the fat lady in a dress bending over and the lawn jockey?

How else to show the neighborhood that you're the biggest, baddest, strongest, most passionate O's fan, hon, than by having Ripken's (or as the message board kiddies say, "Ripkin") on the lawn in front of your formstone rowhouse?

The giant eight was reported missing about 10:47 last night, and surveillance video led police to be on the lookout for a pickup truck, the Sun reported. No shocker there. 

Police found the pickup truck about an hour later. Apparently the giant number eight in the back was quite the giveaway.

The four suspects, all 20 or under (another shocker) are being charged with theft and destruction of property.  Being an idiot might not be a crime, but sometimes its effects can be.

But the most surprising news to come out of this: The Iron Man's statue is made out of aluminum. What a fraud!

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