On This Week In Schadenfreude we explore the sputtering rage, gibbering condemnation, and resigned ennui of the college football fan who has recently undergone humiliating defeat. Because even in your darkest hour, someone else is suffering too, and probably worse than you. Unless you are a Michigan fan who has just finished watching the Appalachian State game.
Last year, USC lost to Stanford. This was an extremely creative way to obliterate their shot at the national championship. This year they did one better, though, losing to a team that was soundly beaten by Stanford and causing Arizona State blog Pitchfork Nation to issue a special edition of their Pac 10 Power Poll in WAR-sized caps:
NO ONE. NO ONE IN THIS CONFERENCE IS POWERFUL. AT ALL.
I'm just stunned. I can't believe it. I really can't. I don't care if we go on to win 10 national championships, Pete Carroll will forever be remembered for losing two games to horrible teams. It's like losing to Sacramento St. and Humboldt. Damn.
No, Pete Carroll will forever be remembered for naked grunting samoan guys, and then probably the national championships. And then probably his fabulous hair. Only if you are literally in the room with Mike Riley and Jim Harbaugh will USC's weird upsets get brought up. Congratulations, USC, you are the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness award recipient.
The rest of the week in spleen after the jump.
BIG TEN
Wisconsin managed to blow a 19-0 halftime lead and lose to Michigan 27-25 in what was possibly the best game your intrepid reporter has ever attended; Badger fans are taking it pretty well:
The MOST humilating loss in UW history...
...give Michigan credit, they didn't give up, UW did...I am ashamed to be a "Badger" fan right now...truly dispicable!!! I truly hope we are voted out of the Top 25 because this team does NOT deserve to be ranked...what a weak mentality!!!
Really? Losing by two points on the road is worse than, say, any of these beauties versus Michigan?
Meanwhile, this guy shouldn't have any problem getting over the loss:
Should I ever expect to beat Michigan
I'm a new student here previously of the U of Texas and was wondering that if Bielema didn't get it done this year why should I expect Wisconsin to ever beat Michigan?
The reason: he's got Memento disease just like Notre Dame's coaches. Wisconsin beat Michigan last year. And two years before that. So, like... yes?
Michigan actually won that game, but holy Lord did you see that first half? If you are a Michigan fan, did, and still have your corneas, congratulations. Normally they wouldn't get featured, but this video is perhaps the essence of the freude:
Moments after they stopped taping those moppets started asking "why is daddy taking a screwdriver to his temple?" I hope he made it to the third quarter.
With all the talent, it is just sad that for some reason we keep blowing it. Somehow, we have these games where we just don't show up till the 2nd half and expect to win. Welcome to the real world, this is now the 4th year where we have had the most talent and will not win squat. Now maybe some of you will realize why we were so pissed when Kiff was just pissing away seasons with talent that should have won it all. When it is there you HAVE TO TAKE IT.
That's from the "Official We Haven't Won Squat Without Norm Chow" thread, the title of which is a perfect reason why USC fans are universally loathed. In the last three years, USC has lost the national championship game once and won the Rose Bowl twice. OH MY GOD THE WORLD IS ENDING.
Meanwhile, someone else mentions that "with Chow we win the NC" and a third someone gently points out the flaw with that assumption:
WHY?
Would Chow play Defense and FKING tackle that midget???
Probably not.
If USC fans think they have problems they should wander over to Washington message boards. One has a picture thread titled "How I feel about this season so far." A typical example:
Good news: Jake Locker's out!
SEC
As promised by an Alabama assistant coach, Georgia got decked out in black because they were planning a funeral for their national championship hopes. Dawg fans are now hastily reconsidering oil Tycoon Tex Pitfield's suggestion that they cancel the game in response to the southeast's Ike-induced gasoline shortage:
The game should have never been played. The gas that was wasted this weekend far outweighs anything that happened on that field. In fact, the Georgia players even came around to Pitfield's side early Saturday afternoon. As a protest to this senseless wasting of precious petroleum, the entire Georgia team decided not to show up for the first half.
Mine was the second vehicle in line behind the lowered arm and flashing lights of the railroad crossing; before me was a white pickup truck with county government plates, and in the back of the truck was a cage containing a dog. It was dark, so I couldn't tell for sure, but the dog looked to be either a German shepherd or a Siberian husky or an Alaskan malamute.
The dog sat there in the cage, looking straight back at me, panting, not exactly menacing but not altogether benign, and I looked at him as he looked at me and the screeching of the interminable passing train howled ominously in the night, sounding eerily like something out of an Angelo Badalamenti score. On top of all that, I was a guy named Kyle dressed entirely in black, so the moment was positively Lynchian. The first half was a lot like that.
It may have been confusing, disturbing, mostly annoying and completely enthralling to David Foster Wallace (RIP), but at least you don't have to watch it over and over again for the rest of your life.
Tennessee. Well, uh. This happened to Youtube:
Could this be the first video in youtube history that's dumber than the comments?
You would get more laughs posting actual game footage of Crompton.
Yes.
Finally, Florida lost in the most painful of all ways to lose: a blocked extra point. Then this happened to Orson:
RUMSFELD!!!
Somehow I think Tebow's summer of playing with little boy's wangs had a part in this.
We received no less than four comments that were a variation on this theme. When's the plague happening? Soon? Soon enough? The Stand is a comedy, right? Laurie Garrett, TCOAN and ourselves are heading to Montana with a T1 line, arms, and three years worth of supplies. The rest of you are on your own.
I'm sure they just meant that Tebow could have been practicing outs and slants and TEBOW SMASH and stuff instead of doing baby Heisman poses. I post on the Fanhouse, man, and I know that commenters would never stoop so low as to joke about homosexuality.
Nebraska. Bo Pelini -- who is the coach, mind you -- got flagged for a critical personal foul in during a Virginia Tech touchdown drive; this is actually the second time Pelini's gotten flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct as Nebraska's head coach. Corn Nation is not so much enthused by the trend:
My real reaction?
EEEEEEEEYYAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I think I saw that in a "Bloom County" strip once; Opus was laid up for weeks.
ACC
I wonder how Tommy Bowden's job security at Clemson is going? Let's check in with Block C...
...We're going to have to grin and bear it with this staff until after signing day, then fire them and hope to lure someone else. Either way, people who are of the opinion that Bowden will somehow miraculously become a great coach some day need to realize that they are defending a completely untenable position. ... GTFO MY SCHOOL.
It must be late September again.
It's tough for Wake Forest fans to work up proper levels of spleen since their school is smaller than many high schools and is mostly known for being a place that graduates a lot of priests, but Old Gold And Blog is willing to give it a shot:
Much of yesterday seemed like a bad joke, kind of like the pun in the title. ["sunk" -ed] The first half performance was so bad that I literally laughed out loud a couple of times.
The elusive football-inflicted LLOL. Oh, how I wish I was way more unfamiliar with that thing.
