Joey Porter Has a Solution to Your Retirement, Inheritance and General Stock Market Woes

If you're like me (and by "like me" I mean "a multi-millionaire diehard Republican blogger") then today's little stock market swing was roughly like ending up on a prank show that involved Pauly Shore swinging his shoe in the general direction of your groin.

And what, exactly, are we supposed to do to save the nation and our own personal fortune? Thankfully, Joey Porter has the answer.

"I'm about to go dig a hole in my back yard and put it in my back yard where I can see it," Porter said Monday. "I don't like this stock stuff. I don't like not being able [to rely on] this bond and that bond. Everything's funny. I don't trust nothing."

You and me both, Joey. You and me both. Now Porter does go on to mention that he has a financial adviser (who hopefully won't tell him he's broke) but let's be honest, folks, this is a pretty legitimate sounding solution to what's going on.

I mean, when the market's dropping faster than Porter's post-Pittsburgh career, it's time to start thinking that the $120k you keep in your checking account isn't even safe.

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