Being a Nats Fan Stinks

Nats lead league in misery

Cheer up, Nats Fans!  You've got good reason to be miserable.  The Nats are leading the league in Misery Index, according to the numbers wizards at the Wall Street Journal.

If you're shocked that the 11-win Nats are leading the league in misery, well, you haven't been paying attention.  (And for that, you should consider yourself lucky.)

The Misery Index is an attempt to weigh the factors that make stinky baseball so terrible to watch.

The Nats .289 winning percentage is last in the league, and the team is a full two games back of the next worst team.

Nats games also are among the longest in the league, ninth overall.  Not only do Nats fans see losses, they see LONG losses -- but at least it means more time for beer sales.

A combo of terrible relievers and Manny's itchy trigger finger means then Nats lead the league in pitching changes.  So there are more soul-ripping, mid-inning pitching changes where the only thing to do is watch clueless Manny scratch his butt on the mound.

Offensively, the Nats are eighth in pitches seen per plate appearance.  While that's probably a good stat in terms of putting runs on the board, all those extra balls make each play take longer.  It's a way of stretching out the misery.

The Journal also measures how long it's been since the team had a championship.  Here, they err and say 40 years -- since that's how long the winless Nats/Expos franchise has been in existence.  The truth is, 99 percent of DC sports fans don't care about that.  The Nationals themselves haven't won since Walter Johnson beat the New York Giants in 1924, with a big assist from a pebble.

Add it all up, and the WSJ concludes:

"Each night, half the bars in America host the beery laments of baseball fans convinced their team is the most wretched in the majors. And many of them have a point. Baseball is a game of failure, with plenty to go around. Empirically, though, no one tops the Washington Nationals."

Ain't that the truth.

Chris Needham used to write Capitol Punishment.  He's never been happier.  Thanks, Xanax!

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