In these tough economic times, there's one group of people that's under-appreciated. They're out there quietly doing their part, making do within their meager means. Won't someone think of our professional athletes?
Consider poor Albert Haynesworth.
(cue violins)
Remember that seven-year, $100 million deal he signed? Well, poor Albert won't be getting a big chunk of it. It's back-loaded with all sorts of dough that the poor sap will never see.
Chris Mortensen says, "a $29 million 'poison pill' in the fifth year of Haynesworth's contract effectively makes it a four-year deal worth $48 million. The Redskins would owe Haynesworth a lump sum of $29 million in salary and bonuses in 2013, the fifth year of the deal."
POOF! There goes $52 million just like that.
How sad.
What's a working man gotta do to feed his family?
Consider, too, the sad case of Chris Cooley.
Since he received so much of his compensation as a bonus, and since bonuses are taxed at the highest rate, the poor guy only netted $8 million next year. That's nearly (...$8 million divided by 1 is...) $8 million per touchdown catch. Times are tough all over.
And that's before having to pay the confiscatory car taxes on all his luxury automobiles or for his giant house(s).
But Cooley isn't a selfish man. He's thinking of everyone. Athletes, he argues, are perhaps the greatest stimulative spenders in the world.
"You think these guys are slow play investors who will sit on their money like a goose. Absolutely not, their money is being spent, no questions asked."
America's champagne distributors, escort services (that income IS reported to the I.R.S., right?), bling-bling sellers, and exotic care dealers can attest to that. Perhaps a bailout is in order?
So don't feel bad for America's athletes. Sure, they're losing a ton of money, but they're spending the rest to help you, the common American.
We cannot thank them enough.
Chris Needham used to write Capitol Punishment. He now appreciates the mortgage interest deduction.
