Wednesday Watch List: Top Chef Is Rigged!

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and quit your radio show. Who can possibly do a radio show in this country if people are going to get mad at you for saying racial epithets repeatedly? It’s not fair! LET’S GO!

TOP CHEF – 9:00PM (Bravo – An NBC/Universal network) I’m conflicted about Kenny getting the boot last week. Kenny was obviously not as super awesome as he always talked himself up to be. Every dish had to be some elaborate duo of something that often didn’t work. I think Kenny talked so much about being the “beast” or whatever that it was easy to just believe him and go along with it. So maybe he was wildly overrated. That said, I KNOW he was better than Alex or Amanda. They’re awful, and Alex should have been booted last week strictly for being such a dirtbag to his wait staff, and then bragging about what a jerk he is to his wait staff back home. He might be the most unappealing human being in Top Chef history. Yet they let him hang around, just to annoy everyone. He’s the Robyn of this season.

Anyway, I hope he loses tonight’s CIA challenge. What are they cooking tonight? I could tell you, but then I’d have to think about killing you and then file a request that has to go through 17 layers of bureaucracy only to get rejected by some middle manager who knows nothing about doing good field work. Also, Kevin named his home restaurant Rat’s. What chef with a brain does this? Why doesn’t he just open a sister restaurant called Roach’s and be done with it? He may as well open a direct deposit account to the Board of Health. Awful name. ANTICIPATION: RIGGED FOR DRAMA!

SURVIVING THE CUT – 10:00PM (Discovery) This new Discovery Channel show profiles students at the nation’s elite military schools, trying to survive a series of brutal training exercises. Tonight, it’s the Army Rangers. You might know the Rangers as the unit Pat Tillman joined before being killed in Afghanistan. Rangers are forced to train out in the field for days at a time, with little to no food, water, or sleep to aid them. Yep, this’ll make you feel inadequate. ANTICIPATION: DIFFICULT!

HOW I LOST 100 LBS. – 10:00PM (Discovery Health) Five formerly obese people detail the unique ways in which they were about to drop a C-note. I think you and I both know meth will factor in to at least one of them. ANTICIPATION: METH YOURSELF THIN!

HARD KNOCKS – 10:00PM (HBO) I can’t link to it due to foul language, but I implore you to look around and find Rex Ryan’s speech to his team from last week’s episode. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted a football coach to yell at me. Both Rex Ryan’s mom and coaching legend Tony Dungy have pilloried Ryan for using foul language on the show. I swear, if he tones it down this week just to satisfy those tightwads, I’ll f#&@ing f*^% their #$^$%^$&@^@%$$#%s. ANTICIPATION: F BOMBS!

MAN VS. FOOD – 9:00PM (Travel Channel) Adam eats a Big Ugly Burger. Unless it was made in a prison, no burger is ugly to me. I see the beauty in each of them. ANTICIPATION: HANDSOME MEAT!

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