Pro Bowl Upgrades to “Hilariously Watchable”

Also, it has a Dolphins safety in it!

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There's something hilarious afoot in the NFL, and it's happening in the most unlikely place. No, not Roger Goodell's office, but that rusty old ratings bog, the Pro Bowl.

Consider just the situation at quarterback for Team AFC: Peyton Manning is obviously out, what with better things to do, but Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Philip Rivers and Carson Palmer have all passed on the chance to play. That means David Garrard is replacing Peyton Manning under center.

David. Garrard.

Of the Jaguars.

We'll wait while you laugh, and then run for tickets.

That's just how it's gone for next week's "all-star" game. The roster featured eleven players from the Colts and Saints, who now must be replaced, and others are declining for fear of injury or downright disinterest. Dolphins safety Yeremiah Bell even slipped in there thanks to attrition. 

It's gotten so bad, in fact, Nate Kaeding is kicking field goals, Norv Turner is coaching against Wade Phillips, and we're a paper cut away from seeing Jamarcus Russell attempt to complete a pass. And he's a quarterback! 

It's going to be the best Pro Bowl ever!

The Pro Bowl had poor ratings?

So tune in, America. Tune in like there's no tomorrow. Instead of a boring game featuring your favorite stars avoiding contact like delicate flowers -- you'll still have Peyton Manning going full hedgehog in the big game, if that's your thing -- we're getting a carnival of third-to-sixth stringers who might not only try, but possibly be eight comedies of error while doing so.

Did we mention Nate Kaeding? Wheeeeee!

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