White House To Distribute Easter Egg Roll Tickets Online

Latest technological development to keep Americans in their houses

Although certain racists predicted that there would be no White House Easter egg hunt this year, the annual tradition appears certain to take place as scheduled on April 13, which is presumably on or around Easter Sunday. And this year the Internet is involved!

The Easter Egg hunt is how the White House celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ: by throwing a bunch of eggs from one man-size "bunny" onto the grass and having the little kids run around for them. But according to the White House, "The White House Easter Egg Roll dates back to 1878 and is an event designed to encourage children and their families to come outdoors and celebrate the start of the spring season." So perhaps it has nothing to do with religion, much like the popular Hallmark-holiday Christmas.

Essentially it is Lollapalooza for America's small children:

This year’s theme, ‘Let’s go play’, encourages America’s youth to lead healthy and active lives. The White House will open the South Lawn to children age ten and under, along with their families, to enjoy sports, cooking classes, live musical performances, storytelling and, of course, the traditional Easter egg roll. Please come dressed to be active and participate in all of the events.

It is the most exhausting event in America.

So how does one get in? In past years, ticket distribution has taken place on the Ellipse the weekend before the festival. But since Barack Obama is so technologically hip, he's invented a completely new method of ticketing for this year: via the Internet. Tickets will be available from the White House website starting this Thursday, March 26.

Be sure to refresh, rapidly.

Jim Newell writes an Easter column for Wonkette and IvyGate.

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