Watch out, Virginians! Your faux-Anglican church leaders -- delegates of the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia! -- passed a resolution this weekend affirming "the inherent integrity and blessedness of committed Christian relationships between two adult persons." In other words, The Gays are coming to steal your children for experimentation in their meth labs!
This breakthrough resolution helpfully defined "relationships" -- a word not previously found in the dictionary -- as "characterized by fidelity, monogamy, mutual affection and respect, careful, honest communication and the holy love which enables those in such relationships to see in each other the image of God." Now is that gay or what?
Other problems remain for Virginia's gay Episcopalian couples considering marriage, however. Most notably, Virginia's government ("The Confederacy") obviously doesn't allow for civil gay marriage. It's just that rotten liberal Episcopal church and their God, who is now Allah.
Not all Episcopalian delegates were pleased with the passage of this resolution. Beware, the Slippery Slope of Gay Marriage:
"I think we're going to open some doors we do not wish to open," said delegate Ann Davis from Louisa. "A 30-something woman told me her understanding of monogamy means 'one at a time.' There is nothing here about these relationships being 'lifelong.' "
Troubling. For example: what if the Episcopal church recognized a gay marriage one day, but then a week later, one of the gay people wanted to break up and marry a goat -- and all because of the semantic ambiguity within the Diocese's gay resolution? It could happen.
Jim Newell writes political satire for Wonkette.