If you had a baby around 2001, and you let this baby drink DC tap water all the time, well there's some bad news: your baby will not be very smart.
Sorry! Maybe you should throw it away and try for a new one? Be sure, however, to use a Brita filter this time around.
A new study from researchers at Virginia Tech and Children's National Medical Center has found, according to the Washington Post, that "the number of toddlers and infants with blood-lead concentrations that can cause irreversible IQ loss and developmental delays more than doubled after harmful levels of lead began leaching into the city's drinking water in 2001."
Yeah, whatever. It's a small price to pay for that delicious battery-acid aftertaste.
The lead concentration levels were "sometimes hundreds of times higher in individual homes than the amount the federal government considers a level of concern" between 2001 and 2004, and 42,000 District children could possibly be dumb now.
At least this gets Mom and Dad off the hook for their kid being a failure! Yesterday they were thinking it was because they spent too much time at work, not enough time with their child. But Junior was just drinking too much water, as it happens. Phew! And now their kid won't even get into any college, so that saves money as well.
How can you tell if your kid caught the dumb disease from Washington's water? Why if they act like savages, of course: "Children can exhibit signs of aggressiveness and difficulty focusing in school."