Apple Inc., which is essentially the only healthy company remaining in the world (although who knows, it could implode tomorrow!), has been trying to install one of its boutique stores in rich Georgetown since buying a prime bit of real estate in 2007. Little did it know that Georgetown is run by wealthy old fogies with colonial-era senses of vulgarity.
Apple will submit its fourth design proposal for the new store on Georgetown's Wisconsin Avenue main thoroughfare today. The problem with the first three? Too contemporary, of course, what with the glass and the metal and the futuristic looking stuff that has the devastating effect of attracting customers.
(UPDATE: The architectural review board has rejected Apple's plans for a fourth time, saying the 35-foot-wide plane of glass and door is still inconsistent with the detailing and bay windows on neighboring properties, according to the Washington Post.)
The panel that has rejected the previous three is called, appropriately, the "Old Georgetown Board," most likely a group of actual English Tories who despise such things as the Tea Act, pavement, and the 19th, 20th and 21st centuries.
Thomas Luebke, secretary of the U.S. Commission of Fine Arts, the agency that oversees the Old Georgetown Board, said the panel's mission is to "preserve and protect the character and buildings" in Georgetown, which was established as a historic district in 1950.
In other words, if any proposed "shoppe" has, say, electricity -- or more accurately, if it looks like it has electricity -- it is probably the work of witchcraft.
Another major problem the Old Georgetown Board has had with various proposals is the windows, considered to be "a little on the large side," with one insider claiming that "the members thought the expansive glass storefront would create a 'large void in the rhythm' of the neighboring entrances."
Well who knows what is wrong with Apple; these people seem very easy to work with and specific in outlining their problems.
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Jim Newell writes about the Colonies for Wonkette and IvyGate.