Nice Work, Recession! DC Lawyers Losing Jobs Fast

Local corporate lawyers regret not being doctors instead, because of money

Cheer up, hardworking, honest, moral and, most importantly, unemployed citizens of Washington D.C.! The Great Recession has been a tough slog, but at least we've got this: local lawyers are losing their jobs too! But are they losing them fast enough?

Last week, according to the Examiner, the country's big law firms laid off "nearly 1,000 lawyers." Since 80,000 lawyers are licensed by the D.C. bar, somewhere between 79,000 and 80,000 lawyers still need to be fired before the local economy can recover.

This article excludes the lawyers who do nice things such as secure food or shelter for children.

Here, on the other hand, is a lawyer whose firing would be a great triumph for society:

Another [surveyed lawyer] wrote, “Shoulda taken the MCAT.”

The MCAT is the entrance exam for medical school.

Because for so many of our educated young people, after spending four years dutifully purchasing a bachelor's degree in anything, the choice becomes whether to enter (a) law or (b) medicine. These two oddly distinct career paths (one about the various clauses and interpretations of the legal code, the other about blood and guts and death and germs) do share one notable characteristic: compensation. It's high!

This used to be the case for the extinct "(c)" option, Business. But now Wall Street is ruined, so those young analysts will probably consider applying to law school, until they read this article and realize that the legal profession is also ruined, at which point they will take the MCAT and fail BECAUSE IT'S SCIENCE.

In any event, everyone thank the economic downturn for firing all of D.C.'s corporate lawyers. They'll be fine in their new careers, selling Cracker Jacks to sewer rats.

Jim Newell writes for the blogs Wonkette and IvyGate. Since the media industry will not exist in a few months, he will probably have to take the LSAT or MCAT.

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