New Prez Rankings Discredit Fillmore's ‘Change' Bonafides

To celebrate today's federal birthday holiday, C-SPAN has conducted a new poll of historians ranking American presidents. Which inhabitant of D.C.'s most famous residence ruined things the least? Could Ronald Reagan have taken all 10 top spots?

Here's the top 10:

1. Lincoln -- reined the South back in.
2. Washington -- didn't lead a military coup after his two terms, even though it would've been fairly easy.
3. F. Roosevelt -- gave weekly inspirational addresses on Twitter.
4. T. Roosevelt -- loved the outdoors, war, writing, and regulation; would inspire John McCain, who loved one of those things.
5. Truman -- bombs.
6. Kennedy -- was young and got shot.
7. Jefferson -- bought half of the country from the French; knew #1.
8. Eisenhower -- destroyed the military-industrial complex forever -- it no longer exists.
9. Wilson -- somewhere between Jimmy Carter and the neocons.
10. Reagan -- yelled at poor people.

And the bottom 10:

10. Hayes -- let white plantation owners go back to business.
9. Hoover -- the namesake of a dam that would eventually serve as headquarters to the Transformers.
8. Tyler -- Tyler WHO?
7. G.W. Bush -- ruined America & Earth forever.
6. Fillmore -- who cares?
5. Harding -- the first black president -- look it up!
4. W.H. Harrison -- oh come on, he was only in there for a month, he could've ended slavery or given out free iPods if he'd had the chance.
3. Pierce -- there is nothing funny to write about Franklin Pierce.
2. A. Johnson -- most qualified, experienced president ever, which made everyone hate him.
1. Buchanan -- screwed it up so badly that now he's just some old conservative talking head on MSNBC.

In other words, name recognition is mostly what matters.

Jim Newell writes about the "meaning" of W.H. Harrison in all of his work for Wonkette and IvyGate.