Local Teen Pleads Guilty To Hunting Humans

If you find a hunting arrow in your sofa... run!

Hey Washington area residents: did you know that your life is a sitcom? Or perhaps a cartoon? A cartoon sitcom, like the Simpsons! A real life animated tragicomedy.

Earlier this week, for example, famous flatfooted furry McGruff the Crime Dog got beat up like the dickens by a "funny" bus driver. This was a Very Serious Incident, but it actually was very funny, so kudos to the driver for hitting the comedic note rather aptly. Furries are, after all, terrifying.

In our latest cartoon story -- and this is a good one -- Maryland Natural Resources Police have informed the public that 18-year-old Paul Howell Jr., of Germantown, Md., has pleaded guilty to "a hunting violation" and will pay several fines and be placed on three years probation. The violation, it appears, is that he was hunting actual humans in their homes:

ROCKVILLE, Md. (AP) - Maryland Natural Resources Police say a Germantown teen has pleaded guilty to a hunting violation after a Montgomery County man found a hunting arrow in his sofa.

The arrow was discovered at the home on Spring Meadows Drive in Germantown in September and investigators determined that it had flown through a window.

Good lord! Did he also steal a hot apple pie from the windowsill?

But don't worry, cannibal lobbyists! Howell Jr. will get his full hunting rights back in 2010, at which point he will continue shooting fresh human beings with massive arrows of death through their windows.

Jim Newell writes about violence and death for Wonkette and IvyGate.

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