What you should do tomorrow is take off work and turn on ESPN or another television channel or simply an Internet video feed, because there is a *major* college computer team championship game tomorrow, in Sweden. Two local teams are competing, and if neither wins, they will have disgraced their country.
Of the 21 U.S. teams competing in Stockholm's "Battle of the Brains," a vulgar marketing name for what will be "a high-powered programming contest," two of them come from the Washington area's proud state schools: the University of Maryland (College Park) and the University of Virginia. The other national teams come from such fancy-pants elitist colonies as MIT, Cal Tech and Stanford. Ooooh, "scary." They're probably just coasting off their names! They can't even program their own CABLE BOXES.
Now you may be surprised to see UMD's name up there, since recent news from College Park and the Maryland General Assembly led us to believe that all those kids do there is watch dumb pirate pornography, all day long. This is true for all but three students, who instead are just cold typin' out that robot math 24/7:
The University of Maryland team is composed of Alan Jackoway, Mitchell Katz and Richard Matthew McCutchen. The coach is computer science professor Amol Deshpande.
The contest, described by its sponsors as a test of innovation, teamwork and creativity in building new software programs, has been on the minds of the College Park squad since it won a regional competition last fall, said Ted Knight, a spokesman for the university's department of electrical and computer engineering.