Kaine Expected To Sign Smoking Ban Today

Quick, everybody blow smoke in his face!

Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine is set to do the unthinkable Monday: sign into law a smoking ban for a state that was founded on tobacco.

Philip Morris ran Virginia for centuries until this Democrat came along and started banning stuff left and right. Doesn't he understand that people like getting lung cancer?

Of course the smoking ban -- which passed both houses of Virginia's state legislature last month -- is a "compromise" bill, meaning no one actually likes it. Anti-smoking (tobacco, that is) hippies think the legislation offers loopholes; pro-smoking restaurant owners are concerned over a lack of loopholes. How is anyone supposed to exploit this thing, right?

The bill bans smoking in most restaurants and bars, although it includes a provision for owners to allow smoking in a "separately ventilated and cordoned-off chamber within the restaurant." In other words, people who want the ol' nic fix can sit in this terrifying, quarantined room with other unhappy invalids while steel machines loudly suck up their discharge from the ether and vent them into, what, the neighboring Chuck E. Cheese.

But constructing one of these rooms would cost approximately $60,000 to $70,000, because of all the fancy robotics. Many small restaurants and bars will not be able to afford this, which is kind of the whole point. Oh those Democrats!

So the ban is fairly airtight, and soon enough Virginia will start to look like California, and the apocalypse will happen.

Or people could always just walk outside for a few minutes to smoke a cigarette. But that would be socialism.

Jim Newell writes for Wonkette and IvyGate from an isolated, cordoned-off and ventilated room in Hell.

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