Various D.C. residents have reported that during recent trips to the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History, a curious group of college students have been roaming the halls in isolation and whispering such bizarre things as, "Adam and Eve had a pet Tyrannosaurus Rex -- and here's the skeleton!"
We know what you're assuming, but no, they're not Canadians.
The Washington Post has confirmed that these very special people are Professor David DeWitt's Advanced Creation Studies class from Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, up for their annual field trip to the nation's satanic science museum.
DeWitt and his students are Creationists, who "take their view of natural history straight from the book of Genesis, believe that scientific data can be interpreted to support their idea that God made the first human, Adam, in an essentially modern form 6,000 to 10,000 years ago."
Right, so the conceit here is to take every scientific development in natural history and fudge around with the dates to make them correlate with events in the Bible, thereby making the Bible true. Factual evidence is always a bonus, but not required:
Modern creationists don't deny the existence of dinosaurs but believe that God made them, and all animals, on the same sixth day that he created man. In fact, [Liberty professor Marcus] Ross's only real beef in the fossil hall is with the 30-foot lighted column that is a timeline marking 630 million years of geology. As a young-Earth creationist, he asserts that the vast majority of the rocks and fossils were formed during Noah's flood about 4,000 years ago. Most paleontologists date the T-Rex to 65 million years ago.
So if you see a group of college students' heads explode all at once inside the Natural History Museum, it's because their brains had finally given up.
Jim Newell writes for Wonkette and IvyGate, two blogs founded by Moses in the 1598 A.D.