Congratulations on surviving what most experts* describe as the most harrowing workweek of the year; namely, the first week back after the holidays. After such a long week, our bones are certainly creaky, but our fingers are still fleet! Here's hoping your eyes can follow along as we recap the first full week of 2009.
Congratulations are due to Anne Hathaway, who won everything from a Golden Globe to the adulation of the New York Times this week. Meanwhile, Wall-E's EVE and Kate Winslet sat on the sidelines steaming, along with everyone who landed on the Vulture's Critics' Poll of the Worst Movies of 2008 and the Razzies short list.
We sorted through who knows how many tons of twisted steel to deliver you the Ten Greatest Movie Car Crashes.
Even though we weren't exactly sure if anyone cared, we watched the People's Choice Awards anyway and ended up learning a line of poetry that everyone else in America apparently already knew: "Not even the rain has such small hands." Or, more accurately, such large lips.
*Unfortunately, we don't know any experts, so we just made this up. Don't hold it against us. Laters!