Well, Alexandria City Manager James Hartmann: are you going to fire your police chief, David Baker, for popping an impressive 0.19 on the breathalyzer Saturday night, and getting a DUI? Or will you keep him on, citing his clean record in the past, and the approval of his peers?
It will, barring any changes of heart, be up to Hartmann, who has ordered an internal investigation into Baker's modest "very drunk while driving a car and smashing into another car and sending that car's driver to the hospital" misdemeanor. While Baker doesn't deny any of these charges, he has no "intention" of making Hartmann's life easier and simply resigning, according to his attorney.
Attorney James Clark tells WTOP Baker "has no intention to resign," and hopes to "convince people not to judge his fitness to serve by the worst half-hour in his life."
"Sure, he should be held to a higher standard," says Clark. "By any standard he also proved conclusively that he's human."
Yes, many doubts remained even after the third failed sobriety test Saturday night about whether David Baker was, in fact, a homo sapien -- could've been a big ol' giraffe or whatever, who knows? -- but after failing the fourth and final sobriety test, David Baker was clearly a homo sapien, the end. Although he has yet to reveal the original copy of his birth certificate...??
Jim Newell writes for Wonkette and IvyGate.