Reese Witherspoon is my IBF (Imaginary Best Friend), and right at this moment, she is within a five-mile radius of me filming a movie. Reese, in all her blonde perfection glory right here in Washington is like Queen Elizabeth changing my oil at Jiffy Lube.
I have been so obsessed -- not using that word loosely -- with Reese since the 1999 movie "Election." I've bought makeup she likes (Deluxe Beauty Tintsticks). I had my eyebrows waxed by Anastasia in LA because Reese goes to her. I have seen all her movies (well, not exactly all. Whatever).
I know I sound like a stalker, but don't worry, I have never actually tried to see Reese in real life. I just enjoy our friendship in my imagination. Actually not knowing Reese has never stood in the way of our friendship.
But if I see her in the flesh, will my lifelong fantasy of our friendship fade? Movie stars exist in US Weekly, Vogue and Vanity Fair. So the past few weeks have been very disconcerting for me with Reese right here in DC. Part of me wants to see her in person, so I have followed her movement on blogs and friends' Facebook updates. I haven't succeeded yet in my quest as I am seemingly always this close to glimpsing the blonde shiny head before she moves to the next location.
A friend saw her at 5th and Constitution last week and reports "best hair EVER". The local blogs spy her in Adams Morgan and Dupont. The cherry on this sundae: Reese's adorable, supportive boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal has come to town! They wear matching workout clothes to the gym (anyone know which gym?), do the crossword over breakfast at Le Pain Quotidien in Georgetown and have romantic dinners at Zaytinya.
She's so close, but so elusive, maybe she only exists in my imaginary world. So, until and unless I see her in person, Reese remains my IBF with perfect blond hair, hottie boyfriend, monogrammed engraved stationery and precious children. She is kind, loyal, funny, cool, honest, polite, outgoing, empathic and has the cutest clothes.
Or you can just tell Reese that her best friend Emily says hi.