Will anyone simply let the President of the United States speak at a college graduation ceremony this year without getting so obnoxious? Jesus.
Barack Obama and his "team" decided to accept only three commencement speech offers out of, well, however many colleges there are in the United States.
At the first, the party school Arizona State, the University refused to bestow on him an honorary degree, because he's dumb or whatever.
Then came Notre Dame, where people went nuts and assumed he would abort like nine babies in the middle of his speech.
The president will deliver his final address of the season tomorrow at Annapolis' Naval Academy -- which didn't really have a choice in the matter, because the president Commands them.
Will America's elite "smartypants" troops-in-waiting also refuse Obama meaningless paper certificates and/or push Cabbage Patch dolls, soaked with fake blood, in strollers?
No! Because unlike most university students, Annapolis' midshipmen actually had to become adults during college, and part of their arduous training program included learning how to sit through brief speeches from presidents at ceremonies, without being rude.
Annapolis' newspaper the Capital is delighted to have Obama visit its self-applied "ancient town" of boaters and sex creeps, as it happens. The paper has even offered the president a useful summary of the standard 4th-grade Maryland history course syllabus:
Annapolis is rich in history. It is the capital of one of America's original 13 Colonies, and was the capital of this nation in 1783-84. It was also the home to all four of Maryland's signers of the Declaration of Independence: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone and Charles Carroll of Carrollton, the only Roman Catholic signer and the largest slaveholder in Maryland.
Oh god, there it is: Charles Carroll. It's Charles Carroll who's going to be rude to the president this time, isn't it?
Jim Newell writes for Wonkette and IvyGate.