Not Today, Honey, My Hair Is Too Short

Not Today, Honey, My Hair Is Too Short was originally published on The Sexist on Dec. 18, 2008, at 11:16 am

Jezebel has been collecting evidence lately of self-proclaimed “experts” (i.e., random dudes) who claim that women only cut their hair short to avoid sex. Let’s hear it from the dudes:

Dr. Aline Zoldbrod, sex therapist, says, “If you cut your hair you might be making a statement that says, ‘I don’t want to be seen as a sex object.’”

Matt Titus, published author ( . . . of a book titled “Why Hasn’t He Called?”) says, “Men love long hair; the touch and the smell stimulates our senses. . . . The three physical things that attract a man are a great body, beautiful long hair or great lips. So cutting off one third of your beacons of attraction doesn’t increase your chances of having Mr. Right approach you. It’s like sending a nonverbal message that you’re not interested in sex.”

So that’s why he hasn’t called. Short-haired Jezebel Maria respectfully disagrees, and offers up one pro for chopping it off: “One good part of having short hair? It weeds out the slimy creeps,” she writes.

Ha ha, no, unfortunately, there are slimy creeps for every hairstyle. Speaking as a fellow short-haired lady (some characterize it as the “Farrow“; I prefer the term “Napolitano“), shorter hair hasn’t lessened the number of insufferable weirdos propositioning me in poorly lit bars. For every Matt Tisus in the world, there is a stranger lurking just outside your field of vision, leering at the exposed flesh of your neck.

Also, I once found a boy I was dating searching for “short hair lesbian porn” on his dorm room computer. So, you know, some people are a little too into it.

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