“My Crib's in a Rough Spot, Next to the Whole Foods”

The Arlington Rap

Yo dudez, it's the Arlington rap: An instant classic for anyone who's ever referred to Clarendon's intersection of Pottery Barn, Whole Foods, Crate and Barrel and 15 Starbucks locations as "Satan's Village." Local video comic Remy grew up on the mean, mean streets of McLean, Va. (median home price $840,000).

Pretty much every YouTube comment is either "lol lots of Starbucks" or "OMG lulz I Iive there." We would complain that the vid is all North Arlington and no South Arlington, but that would have to mean we spend any time in South Arlington other than to visit the Arlington Cinema & Drafthouse, which is way too cool to get stuck in a video about Whitlow's and Hard Times Cafe.

So, watch the video and then please help a homey out with these Starbucks locations shown:

1. Wilson Blvd. across from Whole Foods.
2. Intersection of Wilson and Clarendon Boulevards, heading down the hill into Rosslyn
3. Ballston Commons Mall, first floor
4. Outside entrance to the Barnes & Noble location in Clarendon (1 min. walk from first Starbucks on the list)
5. Outside Virginia Square Metro station
6. Outside Ballston Metro statio
7. Cheaters! Same as #2.
8. __________________
9. Route 7 near S. Jefferson Street (thanks to reader Ashley!)
10. _________________ Same as #8?
11. _________________
12. Lee Harrison Center! Right by a dog bakery.
13. Cheating again! Same as #1.
14. Too close to tell.
15. Ditto.

Can you help a gangsta out? Just watch out for those dudez in brown flip-flops. They're almost as tough as the girls packin' yoga mats.

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